WIFE: So what are Morning Man Greens anyway?
YOU: If you think this is just another greens powder... Guess again.
Imagine if Burt Reynolds, Ron Swanson, Macho Man Randy Savage, and the cast of Deadliest catch made a melting pot of greatness to help YOU crush your day like the savage brute you were designed to be.
Morning Man Greens is that melting pot of greatness.
MORNING MAN: Why YOU need this.
As a NATTY Ice and Boons Farm connoisseur, we know you are a man of good taste. However, sometimes that same taste does not extend to vegetables or vitamins (two things your wife reminds you about regularly).
So why go out of your way at dinner to shovel that nonsense down your throat when you can get 100% of your daily dose of vegetables PLUS a natural caffeine kick (no crash later) with just a single scoop of Morning Man Greens to start your day...?
WIFE: How much is it? OVER $50!? For a bag of greens?
YOU: "If I'm going to do something, I better effin' do it right. There are cheaper greens powders out there but only Morning Man Greens will help me live my life like the brutish bastard I was built to be."
(Plus, if your wife presses you about the cost, just remind her about all the money you don't spend on your health... and how it's about time you gave more than one sh&% about your cholesterol, constant diarrhea, or whatever "health issue" she keeps telling you about...
...Oh, and if that doesn't work, remind her how much fancy a$$ coffee costs. Cutting out even one of those sugary caramel macchiato nonsense drinks a week would make Morning Man Greens worth more than the investment. Plus those cups of sugary liquid nonsense do nothing for your greatness.)
WIFE: Will you really get up and make this in the morning?
YOU: "Yes. Next question."
MM: Let's talk ingredients. What's in the bag!?!
Our proprietary Superfood blend of "caffeine injected greens" contains powerful natural probiotics, herbs, and extracts. It's non-GMO without any fillers, artificial sweeteners, additives, artificial flavors, preservatives, colors, yeast, soy, added sodium, or starch.
...So don't let the fancy marketing fool ya, this product is truly good for you! Prepare yourself the 43 raw superfood ingredients below will rock your world.
Here's the full ingredient list to prove it:
Proprietary Raw Superfood Blend
Organic Alfalfa powder
Organic Barley Leaf Powder
Organic Wheat Grass Juice powder
Green Tea extract
Green Coffee Bean Extract
Organic Chlorella Powder
Acerola Fruit Juice Powder extract
Broccoli Flower Powder
Mango Fruit Powder
Pineapple Fruit Concentrate
Bilberry Fruit extract
Beet Root Powder
Carrot Root Powder
Spinach Leaf Powder
Coca Bean polyphenol extract
Grape Seed Extract
Licorice root powder
Lycium berry fruit extract
Ginger rhizome powder
Slippery Elm bark powder
Kelp whole plant powder
Blueberry Juice Powder
Herbs, Extracts, and Mushroom Complex
Pea Protein Isolate
Citrus bioflavonoids extract
Artichoke leaf extract
Rhodiola root dry extract
Eleuthero root extract
Rosemary leaf extract
Milk thistle seed extract
Holy Basil Leaf Extract
Hawthorn berry extract
Reishi mushroom powder
Shiitake mushroom powder
Monk Fruit Extract
Digestive Enzyme, Prebiotic & Probiotic Blend
Psyllium husk powder
Burdock root powder
WIFE: 30 Manly Servings. How long will this bag actually last?
YOU: "It's not about size, it's what you do with it."
(With one scoop in the morning, each bag will provide you a full month's worth of elevated manliness. But if you feel like doubling your greatness, we recommend manning up in the morning and early afternoon.
Just a reminder, each scoop contains 95 mg of caffeine so drinking this late in the evening would likely keep you up at night. Each scoop is equals out to about one cup of coffee. So use accordingly, sir.)
WIFE: How long will it take to ship? It better not be like 25 days or something stupid, right?
YOU: If you're feeling real ballsy, then reply — "Are we really going to talk about how long it takes to get ready?"
YOU (if you don't want to sleep on the couch): "Nope, 3-7 Business Days."
(Although only real men understand that "good things come to those who wait," we hate shipping delays as much as you do. So good news for you... We manufacture and ship Morning Man Greens in the U.S.. So depending on where you live, our average processing and shipping times are 3-7 business days.
At this time we are only shipping to brutes in the U.S., however, we will be expanding our efforts soon and will go international in no time!)
WIFE: I bet this product tastes like shit.
YOU: "Well it's no PBR or BUSCH Ice but for a drink that jumpstarts my day and delivers 43 body rocking whole greens and veggies, it tastes pretty damn good."
WIFE: Did it come with a guarantee?
(From one man to another, we want to make sure you love your Morning Man Greens. So we're going to offer you a 60-Day MAN OF OUR WORD Guarantee.
Where in a world where a man's word is bond, we will give you your money back if you want it back. That's our guarantee for 60 days.
If you try it out, hate the taste, don't feel anything, don't like the bag, hate the marketing, or just realize that money is tight and you made a mistake, email us at firstname.lastname@example.org and we got you.
If we don't honor this, then we're breaking our word (which ain't happening). So rest assured that whatever reason you want a refund, we'll take good care of you. Just do us a favor, don't be a douche troll and buy a large quantity knowing that you're going to refund and take advantage of this guarantee. Karma is real and no one likes you.)
WIFE: Is this a men's only product?
YOU: "It won't put hair on your chest, if that's what you're asking."
(Morning Man Greens is good for everyone who wants to make each day their bitch. Just BEWARE: if you open that door, your wife will steal this from you. Although our proprietary blend contains good-for-you greens, it does contain 95 mg of caffeine so we recommend you DO NOT share this with children or anyone pregnant.)